Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
