I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
