She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
