I have demons in me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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