so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
