you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
