I'll bet she douches with gravy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
