I just saw a hot homeless man
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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