So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
