My vagina just recognized that song.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
