it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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