The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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