You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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