Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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