Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
