wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
