I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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