Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
