my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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