He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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