I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
