who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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