we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
