Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
