so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
