please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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