Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
