Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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