We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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