HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
