the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
