You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
