Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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