I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize