He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
