she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
