I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
