I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
