arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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