was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize