i wish peter jackson would direct porn
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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