if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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