gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
