Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
