She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
