My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
