did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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