Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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