We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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