do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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