You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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