Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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