your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
