what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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