My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
