I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize