There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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