i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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