why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
