Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
we should paint friendship bongs
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