I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
