Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
