i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize