Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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