have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
