i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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