Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
