You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
