My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
