I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
