I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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