Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
