I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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