she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
