dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
