She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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