So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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